Both Teams Played Hard
Both Teams Played Hard

Well, not really.

Tru Warier isn’t going anywhere. Neither is Shawn Marion.

But, in a surprise move, Baron Davis opted out today.

So did Elton Brand and Corey Maggette, but those were more expected. Brand is (publicly) still trying to re-sign long-term with the Clips, while Maggette will now be the biggest name free agent other than The Beard (I know…hard to believe).

There’s only one reason to remain a Clipper: Boat loads of greenbacks.

Antawn Jamison already re-signed with DC for 4-years/$50 million (though SI is reporting it as $44 million) after opting out earlier this Summer. So now that Gilbert’s hostage demands have theoretically been met, Wiz President Ernie Grunfield can move on to inking Hibachi. The current reported offer is 6 years/$100 million, which would be about a $20 million discount over 6 years from the max. Jamison expects that Gil may take a little less now that his partner-in-crime has been taken care of.

“I just signed. We got it out of the way,” Jamison told The Associated Press.

“He said he’d take less money if they got me, and they got me,” Jamison said. “So I think everything will get worked out with Gilbert.”

$11–12.5 million per is quite a price-tag for the 32-year-old, creaky kneed Jamison, but he is coming off a 79-game All Star season and I guess you gotta do what you gotta do to keep fan-favorite and franchise reinvigorater Agent Zero on the roster — even if Arenas’ own knees have become questions marks themselves (not literally, jackass).

So maybe Baron saw Arenas-sized dollar signs in his head and rethought his strategy?

Either way, it will be interesting to see what happens now that he turned down his final year at $17 million. No one on the open market can give him that much aside from a sign-and-trade. Does he go to Detroit for the Chauncey Billups/Sheed package? Does he end up in South Beach for Marion? Or just re-sign long-term back with Mully, Nellie and Co. in Golden State? The rumor mill is claiming that Baron opted out because they couldn’t reach an agreement on an long-term extension, so going back to GState might be less likely now. Other rumors point to the Lakers, although all of these could just be complete shenanigans.

Who knows really?

Regardless, the free agent market just went from complete trash to “Hey, wait a minute.” It will at least be interesting to see where the next domino falls. Also, it should be good to see what Bulls GM John Paxson and new Coach Vinny of the Black decide to do with Deng, Gordon, et al. I mean, you know they’re gonna screw it up…But how?

“There are two kinds of people in this world that go around beardless — boys and women — and I am neither one.” — colloquial Greek saying

Sports Illustrated just released its 2008 “Fortunate 50” list of the highest earning U.S. athletes, and once again (this is the fifth annual), NBA players monopolize the list. In all, a crazy 26 ballers and shot-callers are featured, including two more (Yao and Dirk) on the “International 20.” (For team sport athletes, the figures are for each guy’s most recently completed season and for winnings-based guys, it is the 2007 calendar year.)The total sums combine the athletes salary (or winnings) with his estimated endorsements. Here’s how the sports stack up by number of athletes represented followed by the list of the top NBA guys:NBA - 26MLB - 10NFL - 7PGA - 3NASCAR - 3Boxing - 16. LeBron - $40.5 million5. Kobe - $35.5 million6. Shaq - $35.0 million8. KG - $31.0 million12. AI - $27.1 million13. Kevin Durant - $26.0 million16. DWade - $25.0 million17. TMac - $25.0 million18. Melo - $22.6 million19. Tim Duncan - $22.5 million21. Michael Finley - $22.2 million22. Dwight Howard- $21.6 million24. JKIdd - $21.0 million25. Starbury - $21.0 million27. JO - $20.5 million29. Baron Davis - $18.9 million31. Stevie “Franchise” - $18.2 million32. Vince Carter - $18.0 million33. Paul Pierce - $17.9 million36. Matrix - $17.0 million38. Ray Allen - $16.8 million39. Rashard Lewis - $16.7 million40. Antawn Jamison - $16.6 million45. Big Ben - $16.2 million47. Elton Brand - $15.8 million48. Amare - $15.8 millionWriting out that list, my first thought was that teams/ad execs sure are paying a helluva lot of money to people that require me to type their full name for identification purposes. My second thought was that I got all the way to number 36 on the list before a single NBA guy had a decent enough nickname to use that wasn’t just a play of their actual name (okay…The Truth at 33 should count but even after the Finals MVP, I’m still not sure it’s ubiquitous enough. Even counting Pierce, him, Marion and Flash are really the only three. Quick, someone make Tough Juice your spokesman.).For some better analysis, head over to the post on the SI list by Jones On The NBA’s, who, in looking at how much each player is making in just endorsements, hopes to come up with an NBA player marketing database.Because all else I’ve got on this is a few Fun Facts:

• The entire Boston Three Party made the list.
• Steve Francis made $330,909.09 per point this season.
• Mark Cuban paid Michael Finley $18.6 million to not play for the Mavs this year.
• CP3, Brandon Roy, Derrick Rose and Michael Beasley all made the “Future Fortunates,” which is a list of the athletes SI thinks will be there next year or soon thereafter.

And some non-NBA-related Fun Facts:

• The combined earnings of Tiger and Phil (#1 and #2 overall with $127.9 million and $62.4 million, respectively) are more than the combined earnings of LeBron, Kobe, Shaq, KG, AI and Jason Kidd.
• No U.S. females made the list, but Maria Sharapova is 13th on the International 20 with $21.8 million.
• Four of the ten MLB players featured play for the Yankees (Hideki Matsui, who was on the International 20, makes five).
• The Red Sox have won two of the last four World Series trophies.

But don’t fret just because guys like Steve Francis and JO earned more cash this year that you will in your entire sad, sad existence on this planet.Cause you know what they say:

The most rewarding part of the Celtics title run for me was watching the rest of the world acknowledge Paul Pierce’s greatness. Having grown up in New England, I watched him destroy defenses nightly in his younger days and, trust me, he was just as good in 2000 as he is now. As a scorer, he actually used to be better given that he’s lost a step or two from the days when he had one of the best spins moves the game has ever seen.

People like to talk about his vast defensive improvements, which are substantial and can be attributed to (A) the natural improvement all good veterans have as they learn the game better, (B) KG’s drill sergeant motivation techniques, and (C) Tom Thibodeau’s system. But most of all, he’s always been a capable defender and now, instead of having to carry the entire 1996 Kentucky Wildcats on his back while taking 24 shots every night, he’s actually able to exert some energy on the defensive side of the ball without worrying about if he’ll have enough in the tank to be the entire offense for the final five minutes of the game.

I’ve also always wondered why people questioned his Hall of Fame credentials. It’s been a no-brainer for years as far as I’m concerned and, regardless of this ring, he’s still going to finish second only to John Havlicek as the teams all time leading scorer. I was supposed to believe this guy wasn’t better than Sam Jones and KC Jones put together?

Paul hams it up at his 30th birthday party. He’s been a pretty funny guy for years. You’re just only seeing it now. (Photo by Photo by Lisa Hornak)

Another little known fact is that Pierce actually has a personality too. I never understood why, but — if anything — most people have always had a negative impression of The Truth. People seem to like thinking athletes are assholes, so it’s not that surprising, I suppose. But, still, I always wondered why he never got any “I got stabbed in the back and neck like nine times” sympathy. Maybe people think he brought it on himself? Or maybe they just didn’t know about it since it came before ESPN turned into TMZ (and even seemed fairly underreported even at the time). If that had happened to Chad Johnson, how many times would we hear about it each season?

I think mostly, however, people think he has no personality just because he is just quiet. Even in his national TV spots, and post-game interviews he rarely says much. But when he does speak, he’s actually always been pretty clever and even outright funny at times. He sort of has the Tim Duncan understated wit going.

On Jimmy Kimmel the other night, he certainly showed his lighter side in full effect, poking fun at Wheel-Chairgate, talking about puking during the parade and openly mocking the Clippers.

Professional funny man Jimmy Kimmell gets in on the humor as well comparing The Truth (who grew up in LA) to classic traitors including Judas, Fredo and American Taliban John Walker Lindh.

More great, yet depressing stuff again this year from the Steven A. Smith Heckling Society of Gentlemen.

Kenny Smith and Kevin Love was particularly accommodating. HowEVER, DeAndre Jordan and several others — including the Notorious SAS himself — not so much.

Highlights: “I got two chairs…Jay Bilas, he barely even got one” and Steven’s letter to ESPN.

This is actually the third straight year the Heckling Society of Gentlemen have done this. Go here to find more shenanigans from the 2007 and 2006 Drafts.

Live. From. New. York. It’s. The. NBA. Draft.

Okay, I’m actually sitting on a couch in an apartment in Queens, but I’m still likely closer to Madison Square Garden than you.

Three big pre-draft transactions to report before we start:

1. Jermaine O’neal, Pick #41 and JO’s $20 million salary goes from Indy to Toronto for TJ Ford, Pick #17, Rasho Nesterovic and Maceo Baston.
2. Richard Jefferson goes from New Jersey to Milwaukee for Yi Jianlian and Bobby Simmons.
3. The Fourth Pick goes from Seattle to Los Angeles (Clippers) for the Seventh Pick and and unprotected 1st Round pick next year.

And actually live and present at MSG, we have Stuart Scott, Jay “Wingspans Give Me Boners” Bilas, Dick “Tapioca” Vitale, Mark Jackson, Jeff Van Gundy and Fran “hola and bonjour” Franchilla to guide us through the proceedings. I really hope that’s enough people. Luckily, there are another 30 or so strategically placed ESPN reporters at empty gyms around the country from Miami to Chicago to Seattle that may be able to fill in the event of a crisis.

Let’s get after it.

(NBAE/Getty Images)

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7:30 - Stern rocks the mic. “Welcome to New York and Madison Square Garden….home of the New York Knicks and the WNBA’s New York Liberty.” Give it up dude.

The Bulls already announced they are taking Derrick Rose earlier today, so these five minutes will be anti-climactic. It does give us time to check out the Kia Scouting Report for Chicago, which according to Stu Scott features “a bevy of guards.” All four studio “analysts” think the Bulls should trade someone to make way for Rose. Thanks. Van Gundy adds that Chicago should also “fortify their defensive intensity.” Clearly.

But forget Derrick Rose…the best part of the Bulls offseason is the return to NBA prominence of new Chicago coach, former San Antonio Spur mad-bomber and 12-time All-Hair First-Teamer: Vinny of the Black. What a pimp.

7:38 - Surprise…the Bulls take Rose. Let’s see what we learn: (1) His nickname is Pooh, apparently cause he likes honey (”sweet” says Stu Scott), and (2) He can “dunk with his elbows” according to Jay Bilas.

Now comes the part everyone was waiting for: The post-pick interview with STEVEN A. SMITH. And…that couldn’t have been more boring. How about his mom interviewed by an aged female “sideline” reporter? “I’m very happy,” she says. Well, there ya go.

7:43 - Miami Heat are up. They take Michael Beasley. The speculation was that team president and mob boss Pat Riley wanted OJ Mayo, so this pick could get traded. I’m not sure why they don’t just keep him. Dude led the NCAA in rebounding, was third in scoring and has “arms that extend beyond normal human limits,” according to Bilas, who is fortunately sitting behind a desk. “Sideline” reporter Doris Burke (same aged lady from before) interviews ma dukes. “Words cannot describe it.” Okay, that’s the last time I’ll relay family interviews. Back in the interview with Beasley, Stevie A. asks “What is Miami getting in Michael Beasley?” Beasley: “A great player, a hard worker, a good rebounder and a fun-loving guy off the court.” Funny, I forget to mention that final part in my last job interview.

7:48 - Minnesota is up with the 3rd Pick. They take OJ Mayo, who’s real name we learn is Ovinton J’Anthony. Mayo is unfortunately not short for Mayonaise, however, because Ovinton J’Anthony Mayonaise sounds like a condiment brand people would put on French fries in Amsterdam. Also unfortunately, he is the third guy who has failed to dress in a ridiculous suit and actually looks pretty slick: Sleek tie, debonair glasses (a first at the NBA Draft?), cream suit with a vest, and brown and white hard-bottoms. Jay Bilas agrees: “I like his package.”

Unfortunately, fewer and fewer NBA prospects are willing to dress like clowns. (NBAE/Getty Images)

UPDATE: Minny ended up trading Mayo, Antoine Walker, Marco Jaric and Greg Buckner to Memphis for #5 pick Kevin Love, Mike Miller, Jason Collins and Brian Cardinal.

7:54 - Seattle takes Russell Westbrook from UCLA. This is the 12th straight year a UCLA Bruin has been drafted, we learn. This guy is a stretch as he is a little under-the-radar, but he’s a good combo guard who was the Pac-10 Defensive Player of the Year and played a lot of point there when Darren Collison was out with injury. Also “the best individual defender in the Draft” says Bilas. Seattle’s ROY Kevin Durant is in attendance for some reason (apparently no one told him he couldn’t get drafted to another team this year) and approves of Westbrook, although it sounds like he has never met him somehow.

8:01 - The Grizz take big man Kevin Love, also of UCLA, with Pick #5. Solid suit. Looks like he’s about to lay some people off. ESPN says he has good pickandpopability. They also show footage of him sticking full-court chest-pass shots during practice, which is admittedly unreal. In his interview with Steven A., he sounds very well-spoken. If he’s white but looks dumb…is that still racist? Even better, his dad looks like he could be a bathed, shaved and suited-up ship captain from The Deadliest Catch.

8:06 - Now’s the time we’ve all been waiting for: The Knicks are up. I can’t wait to see how Donnie Walsh disappoints these fans. They want Jerryd Bayless, I believe. I know they don’t want the Italian kid. Come on, Donnie…Take the Italian. Come on…do it.

Stern steps to the mic. “With the 6th Pick in the NBA Draft, the New York Knicks select: Danilo Gallinari.” I’ll let Stuart Scott tell you the response: “Mostly a chorus of boos…although a few people are cheering.” Just feel the excitement of the Post-Isiah Era. The fans had to see them drafting “The Rooster” (that’s amazing) after they hired known pizza-afficionado Mike D’Antoni. Fraschilla thinks The Rooster has the potential to be “a Derek Jeter-type figure in New York.” Back in the booth, JVG and Jax have clearly never heard of him and don’t think they get paid enough to do research. Bilas says the same thing he says about everyone: “Talent…upside…could turn out be a good pick for them.” Thanks for coming out.

8:12 - The Annual Clippers Lottery Pick is one of the greatest moments in sports at #7. They take Eric Gordon of Indiana, who is wearing Bogart’s suit coat from Casablanca over a black and white pin-striped shirt. Better still, the shirt has an executive-style collar of a different color (white, obviously), a black tie, a black pocket handkerchief and black slacks. Now that’s what I’m talking about, NBA Draft. A little late, but I knew you’d show up.

You’ll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But soon and for the rest of your life. (NBAE/Getty Images)

8:18 - Milwaukee Bucks take relative unknown Joe Alexander, who, in complete news to me, is white. I had heard he was uber-athletic and a good defender so I just assumed…yeah…okay…that was probably racist. He also speaks with absolutely no inflection in his voice. I’m not sure if he was answering questions or demonstrating what to do if an oxygen mask falls from the ceiling. “I…am…really…excited…to…be…a…Buck.” Very convincing, Joseph.

8:24 - Larry Brown and Michael Jordan on the clock for the Charlotte Bobcats at #9. I’m guessing they take either Danny Manning or James Worthy. Nope. DJ Augustin. Horrible pick. Dude is like 5′4″. Meanwhile, I’m a Pacers fan and we have pick #11 and for some who-the-fuck-knows-why reason, Arizona PG/SG Jerryd Bayless is still on the board. New Jersey is up next but just traded their Hall of Fame PG Jason Kidd for a young replacement PG of the future (Devin Harris), so they should pass too. I’m visibly excited. This must be how Jay Bilas feels when he’s thinking about wingspan.

8:30 - NJ selects future bust Brook Lopez, a center from Stanford. Holy wow. Sorry folks…but between trading away JO and his $20 million contract yesterday and (for God’s sake better) drafting Jerryd Bayless at #11, I’m out of my mind right now. This is maybe more ridiculous than when Danny Granger fell to the Pacers at #17 in 2004. So let me get this right…nothing can ever go right for Indiana except for in the Draft when the season’s over? Is that the rule? Is it like Robert Paulson having a name in Project Mayhem only after he dies? Whatever. I’ll take it. But does this mean TJ Ford will shatter his vertebrae in November? I’ll still take it.

Meanwhile…Sideline reporter lady is interviewing Brook’s twin brother and co-future bust Robin, who expects to be drafted soon. His brother surprisingly thinks NJ “got a steal at #10.” More importantly, he doesn’t seem that interested in anything related to his brother and “just can’t wait until it’s me up there.” Brook is also dressed hilariously: pinstriped tan suit with a pink shirt, peach tie and a white sweater vest. You’re trying too hard, Kanye. So, NJ now has gotten Brook Lopez, Yi Jialian and Bobby Simmons today. Not too bad…not too good, either. Regardless, the team payroll is now very low and all GM Rod Thorn and Hov need to do now is con someone into taking Half-Man, Half-A-Season’s contract off their hands in the next two years, and Bron Bron The Chosen One can come home to Brooklyn.

8:35 - Pacers up at #11 and they obviously take Jerryd Bayless. Unreal. I just peed a bit. He was projected to go 4th overall about three weeks ago on every mock draft. Did he get cancer since then? Seeing as how the Pacer’s other newest edition has a congenital spine disorder, let’s hope not. And guess what? Jerryd Bayless is rocking an ALL WHITE SUIT, TIE and SHOES. He’s already my favorite Pacer.

8:41 - Sacto is up with #12 and they take someone who is not in the building. Apparently his name is Jason Thompson and he went to a school called Rider. JR Rider? The Maloofs have to hope not. Also, looks like he was the MAAC Defensive Player of the Year…so yeah…there’s that.

8:45 - Update on ESPN’s oh-so-useful crawler: “Indiana Pacers select Jerryd Bayless — Fan Grade: A.” Real Cracker-Jack work, Scoop.

8:47 - Portland is up at #13. Once again they just take the clearly best player available, Brandon Rush of Kansas. He will definitely wind up being a 12-year NBA player and no worse than the sixth best player in this Draft. Just like the year they took Brandon Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge, two uber-productive and unquestionably solid NCAA veterans, Portland continues to “outsmart” everyone by just taking really good basketball players instead of valuing arm-length, vertical leaps and the number of jumping jacks someone can do on the first Sunday after the second Saturday in May. How novel.

8:51 - Golden State takes Anthony Randolph of LSU with the last pick in the Lottery. He’s the 7th freshman taken in the Lottery, which is a record for anyone that gives a flying fuck. Don’t know anything about this guy but all my concerns are alleviated when Bilas tells me about his 7′3″ wingspan that has “considerable linear extension into space.” Thomas Pynchon couldn’t make that up.

Vitale gives his analysis of the draft so far. First three picks were “lock city.” He’s shocked Seattle passed on Love, presumably cause he’s white. He’s also pretending to know something about the Italian the Knicks took. He makes a compelling case: “Gallinari and D’Antoni…sounds like a great Italian restaurant.” Should I be scared, embarrassed or depressed that my jokes are his actual thoughts?

8:57 - Phoenix takes Brook’s twin Robin Lopez at #15. And it only takes 30 seconds for us to see the only thing we’ll ever remember about this guy: The image of him resting his Suns baseball cap on top of his Sideshow Bob hair.

“Why don’t people take me seriously?” (NBAE/Getty Images)

9:03 - Philly takes Marreese Speights of Florida with the 16th Pick. Stu Scott says he’s the first Gator taken but that we should remember last year when “Florida had a bevy of players taken in the First Round.” Someone got a Word of the Day calendar for Father’s Day.

9:07 - Indiana Pacers up again for #17 that they got from the JO trade. Meanwhile, I’m sort of shitting a brick because there is a rumor that Larry Bird traded Bayless to Portland for Brandon Rush, PG Jarrett Jack and Duke-scrub Josh McRoberts. That better not be true.

David Stern announces 7′2 center Roy Hibbert of Georgetown. After losing Jermaine O’Neal, that makes sense, although it’s a little disheartening to hear that, when he first got to college Coach John Thompson 3 used to call him “The Big Stiff.” No word on whether or not Stan Van Gundy filed suit for copyright infringement.

9:13 - Best moment of the draft so far: A flashback of Brook and Robin Lopez earlier as they were mic’d up waiting to get picked. Brook is like “This is sooo boooring” and then flops forward in exasperation. Next scene shows him talking to his brother saying “[My agent] just texted me to sit up straight cause I’m on TV.” Then, Brook asks who NJ’s GM is and someone says tells him it’s Kiki Vanderweighe and also that the manager is Lawrence Frank. Brook’s response: “The manager is Lawrence Frank?!??” The best part is that he talks like Farva from Supertroopers.

9:15 - Snatch-fucking-tacular. Of course. I don’t even know why I’m surprised. Jerryd Bayless is traded from Indiana (along with Ike Diogu) to Portland for Brandon Rush and mediocre PG Jarrett Jack. Since Brandon’s brother Kareem Rush plays for Indy, he’s probably very happy about it. At least that makes one person in the entire state. Goddamn it. I don’t know why I even thought that wouldn’t happen. Sometimes I forget I’m a Pacers fan. I might move to New Orleans. And, yes, partially to root for CP3; but mainly to wait for Katrina Part II to end my misery.

Nice hat. (NBAE/Getty Images)

9:19 - I missed #18 looking for a razor blade, but some jerkoff named JaVale McGee from some dipshit school I don’t care about was taken by some team I like a lot more than the Pacers.

9:22 - The Cavs take JJ Hickson at #19. He’s not here. Guess who is though? The proverbial Last Guy in the Green Room Darrell Arthur. Supposedly he has kidney problems too. Good times. At least they probably have cranberry juice in there.

9:25 - Charlotte Bobcats are up. Stu Scott was talking about Larry Brown and all the good PGs he’s had play for him. “He would know about PGs…he’s had a bevy of them.” Bobcats take Alexis Ajinca of France. So far, “he hasn’t been a productive player in the French Pro League,” Fraschilla informs us. But have no fear Bobcats fan (Hi Timmy!) he has an amazing wingspan. And Stu Scott does a double take: “Wait…he’s 7′0 tall and has a 7′8″ wingspan?” And it looks like Darrell Arthur wasn’t the only guy left in the building cause Frenchy was here too. I guess they meant Arthur was the only guy here not headed directly to the D-League.

9:30 - Jerryd Bayless is being interviewed about being traded to Portland. Larry Bird jumps into frame, grabs the mic and says “Hey Indiana…Tell me how my ass tastes.”

9:33 - With #22, New Jersey takes the 6′10″ Ryan Anderson of Cal with its second 1st Round pick. And, hey, he’s white too. So along with the Yi Jianlian pick-up earlier today, they’ve now added Brook Lopez and Ryan Anderson. Are they moving to Brooklyn or Staten Island? If what you say is true, the Wu Tang and the Shaolin could be dangerous. En guard.

9:38 - Orlando takes Courtney Lee of Western Kentucky at #23. He looks like an athletic two-guard — exactly what they need on the perimeter next to Hedo Turkoglu and Rashard Lewis. Yup…feel the excitement.

9:42 - Jazz are up for #23. According to JVG, “All I know is don’t bring any softies to play for Jerry Sloan.” Who do they take? The 7′0, three-point shooting Kosta Koufos of Ohio State. Let’s hear Bilas’ take: “He’s a finesse center…he needs to get stronger…he’s not a defensive presence.” You’re welcome, Mr. Sloan.

It’s always tough to pass up adding another soft big man for your front court. (NBAE/Getty Images)

9:47 - ESPN is currently showing a behind-the-scenes look at “The Anatomy of Indiana’s Pick” and showing all the phone calls and scrambling that goes on in back of the curtain after a mid-Draft trade. The ESPN CEO and Mickey Mouse should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell. Fuck you guys.

9:50 - Seattle takes Serge Ibaka of Congo at #24. He’s the youngest and rawest player in the draft. Fraschilla: “If you’re a Sonics fan, forget this name for three or four years…But three or four years from now, he could be a great shotblocker.” Dude is full of fan-friendly news tonight. He also has 17 siblings (Ibaka, not Fran). Meanwhile, JVG just dropped a gem on ‘em by questioning Ibaka’s “Must Improve” graphic. “How do you improve your experience?”

9:56 - Houston takes another French player in guard Nicolas Batum at #25. Fran says he doesn’t have a lot of “escapability,” which apparently has something to do with ball-handling. This guy was also in MSG, presumably eating crepes and wearing horizontally striped shirts with his buddy Alexis. But Darrell Arthur is the only guy in the Green Room still, and the reason seems to be the “undisclosed” kidney condition that he (read: his agent) wouldn’t allow teams to conduct blood work on.

10:01 - With #26, San Antonio takes George Hill of IUPUI, better known as Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis. That’s catchy. He’s only 6′2″ and sort of a tweener guard, but Bilas likes his length and his wingspan, which “is about 6′8″.”

10:08 - With the 27th pick, Portland (whose $16 billion owner bought this pick from Nawlins) takes Mr. Green Room. And for the first time tonight, the Knicks fans cheer. I think missing the 1st Round for a guy in the Green Room would have been unprecedented. Although, after seeing the tie he’s wearing, I would have passed on him too. Also, his mom looks like Biggie and recently quit her job as a truck driver. I’m not even mocking…that’s actually really cool. The truck-driving part, I mean.

10:14 - Memphis is up and you have to expect them to take Memphis University product Chris-Douglas Roberts, who along with #1 pick Derrick Rose helped led the Tigers to the NCAA Finals this year. He might not be a great, great pro, but he was a hell of a college scorer and has a herky-jerky, lanky style that I think will translate…at least offensively.

And after all that, Memphis takes Syracuse F Donte’ Greene at #28. Sweet. I know nothing about this guy anyway, so at least you know a little more about CDR (who has no reason to still be on the board) instead. As a wise cartoon character told me, knowing is half the battle.

10:23 - With #29, the Pistons take DJ White, the undersized PF from Indiana. He’s “a hard-hat player” according to Bilas. Meanwhile, Stu Scott mentioned that White is the first Indiana Hoosier taken by Detroit since Isiah Thomas. The entire New York crowd boos uproariously.

10:31 - With pick #30, the World Champ Celtics take JR Giddens, a 6′4″ guard from New Mexico, who I didn’t see play much last year but always thought was talented when he played at Kansas before he transferred. I have no more to say on him, but they also just announced that DJ White was traded to Seattle for two 2nd Round picks: #32 and #46.

And on that anti-climactic note, the 1st Round is over.

Thus, so is this.

* Editor’s note: The Jay Bilas nickname was handed out before the draft ever started. He’s really that predictable at this point.

This photo cropped up after Game 4 in the Utah/Lakers series. And that may or may not be a horrible, horrible pun.

I would post it here, but it very may well be fake (”cropped”…get it?) as the hand looks a little dubious and possibly photoshopped if you zoom in even closer. The photo’s authenticity and this one fan’s level of douchebaggery is not really the point though.

The point is that the Jazz fans are notoriously crude and indeed booed Derek Fisher when he returned this season in a Lakers uniform. (Fisher, if you’re not up on things, played for Utah for the last few years and has a daughter fighting retinal cancer, yet flew back and forth from her treatments in New York last year during the Playoffs to play for them and would often get there minutes before tip-off and in one game famously arrived in street clothes while everyone else was already suited up only to come in and kick ass and hit a game-winning shot, but decided after the season that he needed to live in a city where he could be with his daughter and she could get proper treatment so the Jazz owner let him out of his contract and he then signed with Los Angeles, which is a city that has a good hospital to deal with this disease, yet the Jazz fans for some reason felt this deserved booing when he came back to play against them rather than the raucous standing ovation he would have gotten anywhere else. Got it? Cool.)

The assertion is that this fan was yelling “Cancer!” at Fish while he was shooting free-throws. Even if this photo is a fake, there are other allegations of fans chanting “cancer” when he had the ball.

The Jazz fans were also called out last year by Golden State Warrior players for using racial slurs during their series and also holding up signs of Stephen Jackson in prison stripes (he’s the headband-clad fellow throwing haymakers at fans here and the gentleman that shoots guns off in strip club parking lots as described here…So that one’s actually kind of funny).

There’s also this Kobe photo, referencing the rape allegations against him:

Essentially, these Mormons be wilin, son. Nahmean, cats is straight off the chain, dun.

In general, I’ve always felt NBA fans are a little tamer than most. The NFL is just brutal, from Oakland’s Black Hole to DC’s Hogs. And I may be biased since about 45 of the 50 or so MLB games I’ve been to have been played in either Yankee Stadium or Fenway (where “Jeter Has AIDS” t-shirts used to be prominent), but the NBA usually doesn’t get that bad either. Not anymore anyway…The widespread racism in arenas as recently as the 1980s is well-documented and was worse than anything in the Bronx in the past 40 years as far as I know.

Anyway, the point of this whole thing (surprise…there is one), is that as horrible as these Jazz fans are, NCAA fans are probably even worse. And to me, it’s about ten times as bad at that level since the fans are chastising 18-year-old kids to the point that a guy like Tennessee’s Chris Lofton didn’t even tell people he has cancer in part because he knew he would get mocked for having a testicle removed when he goes to play in Gainesville or Athens. At least Stephen Jackson and Derek Fisher ARE MEN…THEY ARE FORTY. The shit they have to put up with is deplorable, but it’s chastising “amateur” kids like that is taking it to another level of scumbagship.

SI took a pretty good look into how horrible college crowds are a few months ago. Here is the story by Grant Wahl.

And this is a list of some of the worst incidents from the past. These are probably the most heinous accounts:

• In February 1988, Arizona senior guard Steve Kerr was cruelly reminded of the murder of his father — Malcolm H. Kerr, the president of the American University of Beirut — by terrorists in Lebanon four years earlier. In a game against archrival Arizona State, in Tempe, Kerr was taunted by Sun Devils fans, who yelled “PLO, PLO.” (The Palestine Liberation Organization was never linked to the assassination.)

• Fifteen months after Maryland forward Herman Veal was accused of sexual misconduct toward another Maryland student, Duke’s Cameron Crazies wouldn’t let him forget it — even though formal charges were never filed against him. In a January 1984 game between the Terps and Blue Devils, Duke fans greeted Veal by throwing panties and condoms into the air when he was introduced, then yelled obscenities throughout the game.

• When Oregon visited Arizona in February 2006, several months had passed since Ducks coach Ernie Kent had denied rumors that he had had an extramarital affair. Yet whenever Kent’s son Jordan, a guard on the Oregon team, went to the free throw line, the Zona Zoo fan section chanted, “Who’s your mistress?”

And here is a photo gallery of some fans in action, although this one below will always be my favorite.

(On a much cheerier note…In looking for this SI story through Google, I may have found the greatest message board thread of all time. Post #9 is spectacular. And, yeah, probably NSFW…although you technically can’t see her howdoyoudo.)

Who knows what was going through Kevin Harlan’s mind when he yelled that phrase after LeBron touched the sky (perhaps the Bill Simmons suicide watch?), but that call now ranks right up there with “a spec-TAC-u-lar move” and “…underneath to DJ and he lays it in” on the All-Time list.

Okay, maybe not. And yeah, he has used it before.

How ’bout them Celtics?

This is getting ridiculous. I think we all thought LeBron would take over a game or two and stretch this to six or maybe even seven games. But the Cavs are winning without him even doing anything other-worldly. Sure, he played well late, hit some big threes and had that “no regard for human life” dunk that embarrassed KG’s kids, but he still hasn’t even “gone Bron Bron” on the C’s.

The real question on everyone’s mind, however, is did we ever find out why he yelled at that lady to “sit your ass down” after Paul Pierce tried to tackle him into the fifth row? Was that actually his mom? Was it his grand-daughter? Chris Bosh’s girlfriend?

Really, who cares about Boston’s road woes. They’re probably not even getting past Detroit at this rate and they’re certainly not beating whoever survives the San Antonio/New Orleans/Los Angeles/Utah gauntlet.

So let’s just solve this mystery of King James and The Kingdom of the Sit Your Ass Down by morning, eh?

UPDATE: Turns out that really was his mom. Good work, Mystery Machine.

In what many are calling the coup of the century, GM guru Donnie Walsh convinced Mike D’Antoni to take over the most dyfunctional clan of outcasts, headcases and overpaid gluttons in all of the Association. Well, I guess it’s not that hard to convince a guy of anything when you give him $24 million.

Still, no one expected Mr. Seven Seconds or Less to wind up on 34th Street when the situation in Chi-Town seemed so ready-made for success. Many though Hinrich, Gordon and Luol could have been a quality JV replica of Nash, Barbosa and Marion, with uber-athlete Tyrus Thomas doing his best Amare impression and human pinball Joakim Noah fitting in just fine. Put Larry Hughes in the Raja Bell role and you pretty much have Phoenix Lite. Plus you have Drew Gooden to stick jumpers, rebound and defend a little, and you have Andris Nocioni to add some blue-collar grit simply by being his douchebaggy self.

Trying to fit D’Antoni’s style into the Knicks roster is a little more square-peg-round-hole-ish. There are definitely a few things D’Antoni can work with. Jamal Crawford, Nate Robinson and Q, who led the NBA in three-pointers made under Mike, will all fit in well (when healthy, in Quentin’s case). David Lee can fit in anywhere. Balkman couldn’t hit water from a boat with his jumper, so that hurts, but he can play some defense and he can certainly fly around in transition. Wilson Chandler looked promising towards the end of the year and may fit in.

“Top Gun rules of engagement are written for your safety and for that of your team.They are not flexible…Nor am I. Is that clear?”

None of these guys are ideal for D’Antoni, honesly, but they can be servicable one would think. The real problem will be the three bozos: Starbury, Zach Randolph and Eddy Curry.

Steph has to be out, right? I mean, it wouldn’t matter who was coaching, I would hope. Donnie Walsh needs to trade his expiring contract away this summer or just suck it up and buy him out. Those are the only two options, right? You can’t let him suit up.

Eddy Curry, while still a good low-block scorer, can’t play in a D’Antoni system. His scoring would probably entice a few other clubs some considering his contract isn’t that bad…but he also can’t rebound. Still, they should be able to ship him somewhere out West, where even non-contenders are going to have to start thinking about how to compete with the Lakers frontcourt, Yao and even a few more seasons of Duncan.

The real problem — per usual — will be Zach Randolph.

Nobody’s taking this guy — not at $47 million over the next four years anyway. So it looks like they’ll be stuck with him. That said, and even with all the negatives understood, he can make 18-footers for days and he, even more than Curry can certainly score in the post. And it’s even possible he can even get up and down the floor a little bit if — a HUUUUGE if — he can be motivated.

Much like this sight, D’Antoni in New York will not be pretty. But it will at least be an improvement and bring hope back to MSG.

Nobody is going to mistake the Knicks upcoming season for the concerto of offense that D’Antoni and Nash orchestrated in Arizona. And those who thought Phoenix’s defense was porous are about to learn a whole new meaning of “soft interior.” But if they can package Curry and Lee or maybe Balkman and Stephon’s expiring deal, they could probably find another piece or two that can be part of the solution.

Anyone hoping for a big one-year turnaround is certainly deluding themselves, but this was a great move for New York. Kudos to Donnie Walsh and even if they are still struggling to make the East Playoffs come next April, at least those New Yorkers paying top-dollar for MSG tickets will have something entertaining to watch.

It might still be ugly, but watching your team lose a 124-116 shootout is at least a little better than showing up only in hopes that you might find out what exactly it is that Stephon knows about Isiah.

This video of Clyde Drexler’s most memorable dunks made the rounds on Fanhouse and Truehoop last week.

It’s worth checking out, as Glide’s tragic underratedness seems to grow by the day.

And more importantly, it rekindles the greatest debate in the history of the National Basketball Association:

Which inexplicable commitment to an improper hairstyle was most hilarious?

(A) Clyde’s refusal to shave his head while humorously balding for a solid four years

(B) Shane Battier’s refusal to stop shaving his head while humorously having a genetic scalp disorder

(C) all of the above

I’m going with B, as Drexler clearly resisted the shaved dome look solely because it was his arch-nemesis’ signature style.

Since being re-discovered by C-Notes the other day, this throw-back Delonte West master-interview has been making the NBA blogosphere rounds.

I am not sure exactly what he’s talking about the whole time, but what I am sure of is that he has a future as both a classical philosophy professor and a Tibetan monk when his playing career is done.

What a scholar.

But, that’s not all ladies. Oh, no, no, no.

As evidenced by this summary of of every woman’s Valentine’s Day dream date, he’s both a gentleman and a scholar.

Don’t be shy, girls…It’s only a birthmark.